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concerning Chapter 12..

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 23, 2012, 10:38 AM

This feels really weird to post, but...

...I was reading through "SPIKE" just now, something which I haven't done in ages. I thought I'd read some chapters to see if I could find some more mistakes to edit again.
Do you guys remember chapter 12? The one where Charles (or Chuck as he was nicknamed then) is speaking/thinking about his feelings for Spike? I haven't read that chapter in... I dunno, a couple of times since I posted it here on DA? Anyways, for some reason, that chapter just gave me a big punch in the stomach right now.. At least it felt like it, sorta. I had to just pause, stop reading, because I was all, "whoa sh*t, he's... he's .. dangerous, and insane..!" you know? And while I knew this already, since he's my character and I know all about him, this chapter just sort of had a big impact on me. Sort of like, sympathizing with him but being utterly terrified of him at the same time..
I hope this doesn't sound like boasting about my own writing or that it sounds self-centered in any way...
It just felt so weird to read that chapter again.

So, just curious...
how did you feel when you read that chapter? (If you've read it?) (here's a link to it, btw, if you feel like re-reading it: )

And if you're a writer too, have you ever felt very emotional (any emotion, like; sad, happy, angry, whatever) over reading something you've written?

I know I sometimes get very absorbed in what I write and stuff, but I suppose that's just because I'm like a mother hen to my characters :XD: ^^; They feel so real to me, you know?
So if they're sad, I get sad because they're sad, and same when they're happy, or scared, etc...

I hope I'm not alone in feeling like this?

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red-mohawk Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2013  Student General Artist
When I read it I felt sympathy for Charles. At the same time, I was scared like hell. You capture emotions very well, and your rationalization with your characters is an inspiration. I once wrote this short story I was assigned. I wrote about this girl who pretty much had a miserable life a grotesque woman. Her kids killed, baby beheaded... It was frightening to say the least. It ended with her falling of a bridge.

You're not alone in this. For writers, our characters are part of us. They're our creations.
Siaxthegreat Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
It's like trying to hug someone but you have no arms
RichTheWolf257 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*goes back into my memory and cleans out a few cob-webs* Now lets see... Stardate 21163.3 File i5-DA336. I remember now!

I remember feeling a little scared, but also intrigued. I wanted to get to know the monster, but from a safe distance. And I did get to know the monster. I knew him almost like the back of my hand. I had the insight and understanding necessary to destroy the monster. But I was still powerless to do so. I was helpless to do anything but sit there and fume!
If I were a character in the story, I would've been able to do something, but I wouldn't have known anything about Chuck. I probably wouldn't have known something need to be done. As a character in the story, I probably would've seen Spike as just some wierd emo.
coyotewinds Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
When I write, I get very attached to my characters! I especially get emotional when I'm reading over a scene where the character is sad, angry, scared, or desperate to do something.

I'm such a bad author, though. I like putting my characters through crap!
PyroLoneWolf Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That is probably because you are one of the best people I've Ever seen at capturing emotions, whether it be in your story or your art. It's really amazing and kind of dumbfounding. There's were Many points when reading through your Spike novel that kind of just punched me in the face with emotions. Same with a lot of your art, like you can see the expressions in the characters' eyes alone that tell more than your title/description ever could. You really are amazing!! I can't wait to read the rest of Spike :) Hurry up!! :P

I'm kind of a writer myself, I guess. Every once in awhile I get in the urge and will write some stuff down, but I'm really bad about finishing stuff, and I wouldn't consider myself very good at all ^-^" But I have had a few instances where something like that happened to me. Like I was able to capture what I was imagining in my head so perfectly and deeply that it amazed me. Buuut, I got nothing on you
ShatterWish Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
definitely not alone, throughout my stories I often find myself shocked by the emotions put in them.
GlassesOfNeonDoom Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012
I'll say that you're good at making your characters feel very real to me.. And this chapter cemented Chuck as, currently, one of my favorite antagonists in a story. He's a complex and insane man whom I want to kill but want to help at the same time. His spontaneous shifts in mood makes him all the more frightening, but it's all underline by motives only he sees as pure.

What's even better is that you gave us his version of the truth--something I hardly see in other writings--and we got to peek into his twisted psyche.
Emerald-Owl Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I felt that way when reading that chapter I'll admit. I was so furious with him but that chapter made me almost pity him. It's so sad to think that that his how his mind works. If that's his twisted way of love, then I just want to hit him over the head and reteach him! But, I love what you brought out of Charles in that chapter and I can't wait till you finish this novel. I will buy it the moment it comes out :D I'm also please that you made Spike and Sam older. I don't know why, but even when reading it and knowing their ages, I still imagines them in their teens anyways because of your drawings.
I personally am just a beginner when it comes to writing so I don't know what it's like to reread something from a few years ago, but I can understand what it's like to reread anything you wrote from years ago. Like a journal entry or something in a yearbook. You may have forgotten what you felt when you wrote that and sometimes it's good to be reminded of those things :)
Jubay-mayju Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Student Writer
i knew i wasnt the only one!XD Yeah, i get pretty emotional about characters i create and other people OC's like yourself. None of my friends at school are " the writing and reading type" so its hard to explain my feelings about the little people who run around in my little imaginary world that only i know. :P Becuase i know that they are not real and that im just a loser with too many OC's.XD I get really emotional sometimes, especialy with your characters, becuase there so well thought out and i know that there just characters but they really get to me, ya know? Like i feel really bad for Spike becuase of his life and i can feel Sam's love. Im sorry, ill stop now. :P
StoryTellingChoir Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I was both upset about his sick mind, sad, even pitying the way he feels, absolutely terrified and disgusted by his potential and his acts... Most of all, I'm so very afraid for Spike - The way Chuck doesn't know and does know what he wants to do to him ("He wanted to hurt him, to protect him, to watch his guts spill out, to sleep next to him every night, to rip his eyes out, to kiss his lips, to watch him suffer, to see him smile."). It scares me, on behalf of Spikes well-being, it scares me to know that his character is like that. So no, you're not alone about getting absorbed by a written piece and be scared shitless about what you just read. I'm not the person who's up front with her emotions, but this chapter triggered a mix of disgust, pity, hate, and many unnamed emotions. Well done!

Also, I still have to praise your writing. "But he will never love me back , Chuck thought bitterly and left the room with hateful eyes." Best way you could end that chapter...
Hyperchaotix Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, as a writer myself I know exactly what you mean. Usually the emotional impact is greater when you've stepped away from it for a while, hence your feeling. :) It's almost like reading someone else's work and if it still impacts you then, then you know you did something right. :)

Isn't it strange, though? Especially when it turns out good, you want to keep reading, even though you know exactly what's going to happen because you wrote it. That's one of the great things about being a writer. Once you've reached the end and you wonder what happens next, it will happen because you're the one who gets to decide.
13th-ZodiaK Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Student General Artist
Me too, I have characters who I'm so unfair to, and all I can say is, "Oh, my poor darlings, I'm sorry... but the story... think of the story..." through my tears ^^;
Rocketai Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012
I am always trying to have this impact that you've had while I'm writing. I'm ALWAYS trying to write these kind of stuff, things that make your blood run cold, feel terrified, though I never get the sense of it while I'm writing or reading it again after it's complete.
I remember when I was writing a story, I re-made a chapter thousands of times, trying to grasp the panic, the violence of the mind, the emotions, but I couldn't feel shocked. I once made some of my friends read it and they almost cried and screamed reading, but I didn't feel what they felt... I didn't feel my own emotions. This is why I probably will not write again, because I can't feel the emotions that I try to put in each word, even though my friends can feel. How can I write if I can't feel what I'm writing? How can I write if I can't feel what my characters are feeling? How can I write if I feel nothing while I'm reading what I created?

I hate this.
Bilkiba-Sasuke Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I haven't gotten that far in reading SPIKE yet, I'm pretty busy, so I think the last chapter I read was like the fourth or fifth one. However, I am a writer, and I do understand what you mean. I have teared up while reading over something I have written. For me if the story is something I am proud of, I will get really into it, even if everyone else is like "it's ok." I know there are loads of writers better than I am, and I don't think it is necessarily just how well written the chapter is- I think we as writers put a lot of emotion into our stories, emotion that comes from somewhere within us, and when we read over that part, we remember that emotion and it may effect us more than we would expect. So I don't feel like you're being boastful at all.
Jacklelover13 Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
When I was reading Chapter 12, I found Chuck very interesting with the way he thinks (I love.... insanity, it's interested me and I love learning how these people think) so naturally, Chapter 12 was INCREDIBLY entertaining to read.

Seriously, you have a right to boast about your skills here, the page was in depth about how such a man would think. I felt.... a real sense of emotion coming off the page, the anger, the hatred.... yet... the lonely lovecared from what I was reading, yet, felt a pang of sadness hit me. Truly, this page is very very good. Not even good, there isn't a word for it. Excellent chapter!
Jacklelover13 Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*take the cared part out of love, sorry, my words got put together!
Sphynx-SN Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012
Frankly? Chapters 11 and 12 made me want to make a movie of it, hehe. In fact I was thinking Spike could make a darn good movie since chapter 4 or 5, but 11 and 12 are a really cinematic stuff, it`s got such a dramatic strength and we get too involved with the characters.

I never felt like this when revisiting something I wrote, eventually I think "uhn, yeah, it came out fine", but I don`t think I`ve ever been deeply moved with my own stuff. Now, I have learned some things from your writing, maybe one day I`ll achieve this effect.
MA573rMiND Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Why is that little creature at the top of the journal so darn adorable?!!?? :D I love him. :heart:
Snashyle Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Student General Artist
You're absolutely not alone in that, I feel it too! :) They're your own creations, after all. It's only natural.

And about Chapter 12, I think it's very good. It makes Charles believable and realistic, I mean, you can almost sympathise with him because you know the reasons of his actions. :aww:
That's what I think about it. Keep up the good work! :thumbsup:
ThunderElectro Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Don't worry you're not alone on that.:) Our characters are parts of us, our small reflections if you may call it that. And if you're scared of Chuck's reaction, good! It definitely brings out the character in him in that case.
coldfire323 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012
I always had very VERY mixed feelings about that chapter. Not the kind of way you're talking about though. Please don't take this personally.

You never mentioned that you'd done any research in the chapter description, which led me to believe you just imagined what a pedophile would be thinking and went with that. I think I bristled at the idea that anyone could actually know the thought process behind a pedophile and his/her actions without prior research. It seems childish. So while I was fascinated, I was also skeptical and open to the possibility of inaccuracies.
k1ngly Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm a songwriter, and I get that feeling all the time XD it's like i'm listening to a song that somebody else wrote, and it makes me feel sad/happy/whatever as if i'd never heard it before! :>
lilg108 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah I right stories and sometimes a re-read it and im just like "Why the hell did I make them do that?!" or "You stupid girl it's a trap!" As if my characters can hear me even though I know what happens and they don't listen and are stupid...:)
Togaochi Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ha, my reaction was pretty much the same as you described it. It gave me the creeps. At the same time I was wondering, if you were actually conscious about the whole range of screwedness you were giving Charles by this chapter, when you wrote it (I know sometimes the flow of writing just carries you to some places you never expected...), because (to be honest) I didn't expect you to make 'love' the motivation for his actions. This twist makes one actually think about his character. Before that, he was just an abusive monster...after he is an abusive monster plus he is actually so screwed that he confuses his....thing with Spike for love...

My next thought was: How the hell is Spike dealing with these contradictions? If this was happening to me, I would probably develop some serious mental issues...

As a writer, I admit that I abandoned a story once, after I realized, that the story progression would lead to an unavoidable suicide of one of my main characters...I couldn't stand to write this... so I quit...

So, yes, you're not alone feeling very emotional about your characters :hug:
Retizent Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I guess the mixed feeling are more intense for the writer because the writer puts of his/her own knowledge and experience into what he/she writes.
So, the reader might not be able to connect to the text... but the writer can because we write only a portion of what we know. So, when one reads what he/she wrote in the past the memories of experience and knowledge come back...

... Or at least that's my hypothesis...:hmm:
demonkirka Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
I've felt that way plenty of times. I have many original charcters that i've made over the years and when i read a part from the point of view of the creeper or the insane one, i can't helping feeling pity for them.
But i must say whe i read chapter 12 it was pretty much my favorite one ever since.
Viccinor Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
That chapter is one of the chapters I remember the most actually, because that was the first time we got an insight to how Charles' mind works. For me, and many others, I believe it's always interesting to dive into the mind of an antagonist to see how they think and justify their doings. When I first read this chapter I was very crept out by him. Seeing how sick and dangerous he was. And even though I despise him for what he does, I also felt a little sorry for him. Sorry as in "What the heck happened to him to have him become like this?" I must admit I am very curious about his back story. Also reading your AC under the chapter, about keeping it or not, I think you should. Even though the story is about Spike, I think it's good to put light onto what the major antagonist is thinking and why they are putting the protagonist through this. And it also lets us see what Spike is up against. I already hated Charles, but after that chapter, he just got way more scary...

Now on to your next question... YES.
You are not alone on that one x'D
Hug-Whore286 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012
I was confused. Like you I wanted to feel sorry for him, not being loved back by the one he loves. But at the same time, he's scary, terrifying, pretty much insaine. So I guess what I'm trying to say is i felt the same way you did
Wandering-wolves Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's okay,sometimes,when you read work that you did some time back,you'll feel like a third party reading it,and you'll get more of an impact.
Happens to me personally,when I read my older short stuff.
Novae999 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student Writer
Calm down, you're not the only one. lot's of times, I go through my junk drawer, only to find the saddest/angriest/happiest thing I have ever written, and it actually has an effect on me, even though I wrote it.
AT260198 Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I felt kinda confused when I read that chapter: I didn't knew if I should feel sorry for Chuck, or dunno...
Reixma Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ok, that just makes me want to read the book now! I want to know what happened to get to that scenario in Chapter 12.
SilverWerewolfXP Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I can sympathize with him, to a certain point. But, beyond that, I really just see him as an antagonist.

As for the emotion in your writing, I think that's just an artist thing. You know, in order for art to be art, you have to express yourself. Your characters are essentially extensions of yourself in some way. So, when you're sad, you are usually sad...if that makes any sense.
Akira-White-Wolf Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
When I read it I was kind of happy because of the fact that Chuck is not just a 'monster' but a man... even if he is scary and insane it made me goosebumps to read it. I think its important in a novel like that to show that those 'monsters' are human and that's because in most cases other people doesn't see the signs of those crimes. Because they think it must be monster and not a human being who does such things. Those thoughts make it easier to look away.
I myself am writing a lot but never upload it anywhere. I write every day and I feel connected to my characters and that kind of way you were descriping. Especially some characters have a deep meaning to me and they feel like being alife in some kind of way. Maybe because of things I'm feeling. In the end, our imagination is creating things and those things are existing through ourselves. Phylosophical view :D Some chapters in my writings cause very deep emotions when I read them again. That's not some kind of "Oh I'm sooo damn good in writing I'm deeply moved!" but it's the scene which captures me with all the characters, emotions and setting and I have all those pictures in my head like I'm watching a movie. :)
Talkerwolf Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2012  Student Writer
Once or twice, after a really long time after not reading something. Like, there was this one, random chapter I'd written where my character was forced to murder someone - I won't go into specifics - and at the time I thought it was it didn't really matter and wouldn't have any impact or anything. Then, when I read it as an older, more understanding person, I actually felt sick and had to stop reading it for a while to try and absorb the eneromity of what the character had been put through. I mean, it was awfully written comp[ared to how I can write now, but it's still probably one of the best pieces I've ever written in the respect it was the most moving.

As for the chapter you wrote, I remember reading it and feeling both shocked and frightened by how well you captured Chuck. I mean, in most stories, you don't get the 'bad guy's' point of view, so they never seem real to me. Yet you've fleshed him out to be a real, living, thinking human being with mixed up, insane, emotions that colour what he does and sort of make his actions have meaning behind them. It's not as simple as 'I'm the evil Uncle who hurts kids' but more 'I'm screwed up and have been hurt and don't know how to make you love me because of it.' I also find your very first chapter with SPike in the celler really haunting. I remember that stayed with me for days and days after I read it.
Rakceyen Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I know how you feel. A lot of the stuff I've written recently has been post apocalyptic. There is a lot of despair in my short stories. I have re-read a few and each time I felt, I don't know, empty or loss of words. Right now I have a single line in my head that I would like to put in a short story, and each time I recall that line I feel like I'm suicidal. (I'm not, but the line references attempts at suicide).

Here's one of my stories, I need to get my more recent ones up. [link]
Again, empty and loss of words
TheSerpentMage Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I spend so much time stepping in and out of various character shoes that sometimes I kind of lose perspective on the things they do, and then when I go back and look at their thoughts and actions from my own point of view, I actually getting really mad or upset that my babies would do those things.

So yeah, I can understand exactly where you're coming from.
Moonlight555 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, I remember that chapter nicely... You described it perfectly. You know Charles is dangerous, and insane, yet you can't help but sympathise with him the way you managed to write the scene. The entire book is very well written, but this stands out. The other part that stands out is when Spike completely snapped and killed that boy. The way you described it. The grey matter and all... It just made the scene so real and sickening.

I'm still waiting for that book to come out. XP I can only hope it's published this year, but I have a feeling it'll be done in the middle of next year. Regardless, I'll be getting two copies. One for me, and one for a friend of mine who read Spike with me.
Romantic-Outlaw Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
I know exactly how that feels.
My characters often seem to take on a life of their own, and I can only give their actions slight nudges in the direction I want, and even then I can't be sure they'll do it.
Sekrain Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
First: that chapter actually make a lot of things clear to me about Charles, cause I was so intrigue about the reason why he does those things to Spike. And even though I was kind of terrify, that chapter show the most important thing about Charles: he is human (or anthro, whatever).
And about being very emotional when reading something I had write?? Almost all the time, cause when I write what mostly inspire me are my feelings. So almost everytime when reading those things, my memory brings back to me what I felt when writting it.
Hope it serve a little :D
Nyewbee Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hahaha I know the feeling. I was typing out a story with a pretty brutal fight scene where all of these guys were ganging up on my character and I was just like "Oh my god he's going to die he can't take much more D:" And from that point on it got really hard to write, because I'd never physically hurt one of my characters that badly before xD
richardtorres21 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student General Artist
this isnt easy to say but chuck reminded me of myself. and not that im a pedo or anything like that but it made me realise of how i was acting at the moment twords my brother, being an asshole and then saying that i love him when my actions were deffinately not very brotherly like at the time, and so this chapter made me realize that i am quite the asshole to my brother and if i really did love my brother i wouldnt neglect him so much. and so i fixed that almost right away and he was like "why the hell do u wanna hang out with me all of a sudden and i told him cuz i have been quite the opposite of a brother lately" and so reading this chapter made me realise that my actions have a bigger impact then what i think and that i need to pay more attention to others feelings and others interests and all of that stuff.
SebastianKoala Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Sorry I haven't read to that part because I just started here in DA!
But I guess for me when you start to feel emotional about your character it means that you're doing a very good job developing him/her. When I write I try to step in their shoes or feel like I'm in the scene. If I'm not very affected by him/her, I know he doesn't really care or doesn't mean it. But if I actually start to feel chills down my back or happy because of they did, then I guess I'm at least going in the right direction :)
I really like your story so far by the way :)
3xDefined Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student General Artist
When I re read my own writing I'm usually like "woah...I wrote this?" I honestly think I disassociate when I write. With my characters I feel like they are each extensions of parts of my personality which is why some of the disturb me greatly...
musketeer-traveler Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Hobbyist
No, I know what you mean. It's weird but especially with your own writing, you somehow feel connected in a way.. It's kind of hard to explain. It's like the writer itself is the only one who is able to fully relive his or her writing while trying to put his or her emotions into words through characters.

The most emotional books I have read were "they cage the animals at night" and "the book thief" and in the book, "extremely close but incredibly loud", the author does an excellent job of making the reader feel the emotions of the characters.
flyingfox56 Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012  Student General Artist
I feel like that when I read, but I think that's the case because I like the book to feel "real", I guess, like I've been teleported and actually in the book/story
Caldwin Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
No worries, Oomi. I do the exact same thing. When I come back and read something I've written, I often get hit by the emotions of the moment. Probably happens of stuff you write yourself because you're more likely to write things that hit close to home to you. Plus your very invested in your characters. You know where they come from, where they're going. They're very near and dear to you and of course you'd have some more empathy to them. As far as your Chapter 12's been a while since I've read it...but I remember it being very creepy too. You managed to punch a lot of buttons for me and I've never even known anyone like that.'re just that good!
ippikiokamiXIII Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
youre not the only one that feels that way. i totally cried my eyes out once i was done reading all 16 chapters of your novel. chapter 12 was interesting for me because it was the first time i got to see the story in the eyes of the "villan." that is one of the many reasons that i choose to read your novel. love your art and your writing, helps me get though the day.
Sprit-X Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
Child rapist comes to mind when I read that... the dude is insane. O_o;
Ao-Lover Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2012
I killed a character and cried. I deliberately wrote him that way. I wrote him as sweet and aloof and helpful and stupidly brave.
And I killed him.
So it's great to be impacted by your own work!
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